Kennyon's Comedy Hour Season 2
by Kennyon
Summary: The show of the century has finally returned in its long awaited second season, join Kennyon and her cast of humourous characters for another exciting year!
1. Introduction

_(Kennyon walks onto the stage of the newly remodeled set of her hit TV show. She glances at the newer, comfortable stadium seating and the newly painted stage. She looked at the set that had been set up at that day and at the sound booth built in the back of the building. The destruction of her set at the end of the last season had been a blessing in disguise. Now she was ready to start her season with a bang, literally. She fired a pistol and her cast came running out)_

Kennyon: Alright you ruffians, we have a season to begin. _(Cracks a whip she pulled from her pocket) _I want this to be a history making season. You will all be performing your best. To begin the season we have to introduce our main characters. You've all practiced this hard…so let's get down to it.

_(The cast nods and gets into costume before lining up and preparing for the big number. Spaz, however, is whispering something to Kennyon)_

Spaz: How are we supposed to know our cues?

Kennyon: Because you practiced.

Spaz: Then how are we supposed to know when it's our turn?

Kennyon: Because you practiced.

Spaz: What are we doing again?

Kennyon: SPAZ! Are you even paying attention? Are you coming down with ADD?

Spaz: Oh its not attention deficit disorder. I'm just not listening to you.

_(Kennyon slaps her forehead and puts Spaz in the line)_

Kennyon: Spaz, you're hilarious. But our audience is growing impatient, and they want to see you Spazzercise later.

Specs: _(gulps) _Spazzercise?

Dutchy: I don't want to Spazzercise.

Bumlets: You can't force us!

_(The newsies scatter abroad screaming as Spaz starts dancing in place)_

Spaz: _(sings) _Oh…my newsie has a first name its D-u-t-c-h-y. My newsie has a second name its. Er. Um. _(Stops to think) _Oh my newsie has a first name its D-u-t-c-h-y. My newsie still has a first name its D-u-t-c-h-y. Oh I like to hug him every day and if you ask me why I'll say…that Dutchy has a way of being a N-e-w-s-i-e.

_(Kennyon runs around in a circle trying to round up the newsies as Pyro joins Spaz in her harmonious singing)_

Pyro and Spaz: Oh I wish I were a turn-o-the-century newsie, cause that's what I'd really like to be. Cause if I were a turn-o-the-century newsie, everyone would be in love with me.

_(Kennyon jumps and tackles Pie Eater who falls into Itey who falls into Snitch who falls into Jack…. and so on and so forth till all the newsies are on the ground groaning)_

Pyro and Spaz: _(triumphantly) _Cause if I were a turn-o-the-century newsie, EVERYONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

_(Kennyon sits up rubbing her head)_

Kennyon: Thanks for all your help guys.

Spaz: Of course Kennyon.

Pyro: Helping you out is our job.

Kennyon: Can we just do the introduction?

Spaz: Of course silly. Right after pie.

_(Pie Eater jumps up)_

Pie Eater: PIE! Sweet! I'll make it…then I'll eat it…. then I'll make more and eat more and make more and eat more and make more…

_(Pie Eater skips around the set talking about making and eating pie as Pyro brings out a large apple pie and Bumlets carries a big tub of vanilla ice cream)_

Bumlets: Pie…pie…. pie…. me love pie!

Kennyon: _(crossing arms) _Don't you mean, I love pie?

Pyro: Kennyon loves pie! We must feed her!

(All the newsies bring slices of various kinds of pies to Kennyon)

Kennyon: No…that's not what I….

(Specs stuffs a slice of pie into Kennyon's mouth)

Specs: Kennyon eat pie now. And we'll be right back after this message from our new sponsor… "Milton Bradley…producing useless games since the real newsies roamed the streets of New York. "

_(Black out in the studio as Kennyon is fed slice after slice of pie and the commercial comes on the screen)_

Boots: Is this you?

_(Screen flashes to a group of newsies sitting in front of a television screen watching some stupid infomercials)_

Boots: Is this how you spend a night with your friends?

_(One of the newsies yawns)_

Boots: Well then have we got the game for you!

Tumbler: Game?

Snipeshooter: What kind of game?

Boots: A trivia game! _(Pulls out a box decorated in bright colors)_

Tumbler: Wow!

Snipeshooter: What is it?

Boots: This is…

_(A drum roll is heard)_

Boots: Unanswered Trivial Pursuit!

Snipeshooter: Neato! _(Takes box and sits down)_

Boots: In Unanswered Trivial Pursuit you'll come up against questions like

Do stuttering people stutter when they think to themselves?

Do fish sleep?

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the carpool lane?

And

How did Kennyon pay for her new set?

Snipeshooter: _(deep in thought) _Hmm…I wonder.

Boots: If you are baffled by these questions, then you'll love our game.

Tumbler: What is a male ladybug called?

Boots: Just $19. 95 at any store that sales crap…er I mean games.

_(The commercial ends with another view of the box. The screen turns blank and goes back to the show where Kennyon sits with her face covered in pie)_

Kennyon: GUYS! Stop! You promised you'd sing that song for me.

_(Kennyon stands up and dusts off the pie crumbs before walking towards the bathroom)_

Pyro: Gadzooks Newsies! We've been selfish.

Spaz: Golly Gee Pyro you're right! We should sing the song for Kennyon.

_(Spaz pushes Dutchy down and stands on his shoulders)_

Spaz: _(shouting) _Alright Newsies, listen up. Kennyon wants us to sing the song so we will. So line up!

_(The newsies all scramble into a line and prepare for their new opening number)_

Spaz: Heigh ho!  
Do you know,  
The names of the US cutsies  
Who then became the stars of newsies  
And got a view from the Studio loo  
Of Kennyon's Comedy Hour-oooo  
  
Pyro: Jack Kelly was the first, you see  
He once lied about his name to you and me  
  
Spaz: Newsie number two would be  
David Jacobs and then Number three

_(The newsies step foreward in turn as their names are said by Spaz and Pyro)_

Pyro: Les Jacobs stayed up to see  
Medda Larkson wear a skirt above the knee 

Newsies: OH!

So he and his mom had a great big fight  
And she made him sleep on the floor all night  
  
Spaz: Racketrack always stole his cigar  
And yet it was stolen every mornin' from his jar  
  
Pyro: Crutchy's broken shin and toes  
kept a crutch made of Pinocchio's  
  
Spaz: Little black Boots is number six  
And it's Mush's mushy butt he kicked  
  
Pyro: So Mushy learns to play politics  
And next in line he's the one we picked  
  
Spaz: Kid Blink is number eight  
Living in a patched up one eyed state  
  
Pyro: Spot Conlon, how do you praise  
Became king of Brooklyn in thirty days!  
  
Spaz: Snitch he liked sucking thumbs 

Pyro: And after him came Jake the tall one

Spaz: Itey my friend liked them jokes  
His puns killed friends whenever he spoke  
  
Pyro: 1899, mighty fine  
Snipeshooter's in

Spaz: Kennyon's beau you most know   
Is Specs with glasses he must always show

Pyro: Follows next a hotdog wavin'  
On a fork Spaz is a Dutchy savin'   
Then Brooklyn starts shootin marbles  
And we've got a newsie strike!  
  
Pyro and Spaz: A strike!  
A strike up north in Manhattan!  
  
Spaz: Up to bat comes old Snoddy boy  
There's a guy who's really too old to be a newsie toy   
Didn't do much the entire show  
I think we only saw him once you know  
  
Pyro: Skittery he is up next  
He had some slight defects

Spaz: Glum and dumb  
He would become

Pyro: And so as stars we now present  
  
Spaz: Our resident gymnast, Pyro's Bumlets!  
Who would dance and flip and twirl and sing  
While twirling a wooden cane  
Although a bit insane  
Cause he'd get splinters in his pants!  
  
Pyro: It's 1877, the number of pies Kennyon would eat  
But they're all amazed when our boy Pie Eater  
Beats her by just one piece!  
  
Spaz: Last up Swifty child,   
His skills at sellin far from mild  
Feet in his face it has taught him  
Run from foot odor at the smallest whim  
  
Pyro: Now in the studio we shall see.

Spaz: It's Kennyon leading the fearsome three

Pyro: But the two in charge is plain to see

Spaz: Pyro number two after me

Kennyon: _(from backstage) _HEY YOU GUYS!  
  
Pyro: The next three to lead the way  
Well, it just might be yourself one day  
Then we'll distort everything you say

Spaz and Pyro: So jump in your plane and fly away

_(Spaz and Pyro bow as the song ends and newsies pose as Kennyon runs out from backstage)_

Kennyon: What do you mean you two are in charge! Hey tell me now…

_(The lights go dim as the screen cuts to commercial)_


	2. I told you it was coming Spaz

_(The curtains raise on the stage for us to see Kennyon sitting in a large cushy chair and Spaz and Pyro sitting in chairs in a moon shape around a small table. The applause sign flips on and the audience follows directions with exuberant applause.)_  
  
Kennyon: Welcome to today's episode of Kennyon's Comedy Hour. _(Flips through a set of cue cards) _Today I thought that we could interview our newsies. You know get in depth into their minds.  
  
Spaz: To delve into their psyche. To explore the caverns of their brain. To completely uncover all there is to in their conscious. To discover the truth of their...  
  
Kennyon: Spaz, I think they get it.  
  
Spaz: Are you sure?  
  
Kennyon: As sure as Pyro was that time she made her own fireworks.  
  
Pyro: That was the best Independence Day ever!  
  
Spaz: Well then, let's bring out our first guest to psychologically evaluate.  
  
Kennyon: Please welcome, _(looks at flash card) _Mush.  
  
_(Pyro, Spaz, and Kennyon all stand and clap as a bewildered Mush is pushed onto the stage by an unknown set of arms. Mush walks foreword)_  
  
Mush: Umm....Hi girls.  
  
Kennyon: And hello to you too Mushie!  
  
Pyro: Please have a seat.  
  
_(Mush takes a seat in a gushy blue chair and folds his arms as he looks around the audience which seems to be primarily females. He waves bashfully and blushes.)_  
  
Spaz: So Mush we hear you're doing a new movie.  
  
Mush: I am?  
  
(_Kennyon kicks Mush in the shin while still smiling. Mush raises an eyebrow at her.)  
_  
Mush: I don't think I'm....OWE_!  
  
(Kennyon kicks Mush again and he glares at her.)_  
  
Mush: Well I suppose I am doing a new movie....I think.  
  
Pyro: What's it about Mush? Tell us about the character you play.  
  
Mush: I'm not really sure what its....OWE KENNYON STOP KICKING ME!  
  
Kennyon: I'm not kicking you Mush. Now please answer the question.  
  
Mush: Well....umm....I play a space cop that's trying to stop the world from being invaded by um.....  
  
_(Mush stammers for a minute before he sees Skittery and Kid Blink walking backstage)_  
  
Mush: KID BLINK! SKITTERY!  
  
Spaz: You try to stop the world from being invaded by Kid Blink and Skittery?  
  
Mush: Huh....oh yes....they're in the movie too.  
  
Kennyon: Oh well, then let's have them come out too. Ladies and gentleman....  
  
Pyro: Kennyon don't you mean gentleMEN?  
  
Kennyon: No, gentleman. There is only one guy here.  
  
_(Kennyon points into the audience where only one man is sitting in the very back)_  
  
Kennyon: See?  
  
Pyro: OH! I see.  
  
Kennyon: So Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Kid Blink and Skittery!  
  
_(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro clap again as those mysterious pair of arms pushes Kid Blink and Skittery onto the stage. They walk confuzzled towards the set of chairs and take a seat next to Mush, who's chair has mysteriously become a couch.)_  
  
Kid Blink: Hello there ladies.  
  
Skittery: And what do you need us for?  
  
Kennyon: We were hoping that you could help Mush explain the new movie that he says you three are in together.  
  
Spaz: Yes, so we can analyze your characters and engorge ourselves in your inner most thoughts. So we can dip our carrots into the ranch dressing that is your aura. So we can spelunk into your caves of theoretical ooze. So we can...  
  
Kennyon: Spaz!  
  
Spaz: Pokè your mon! _(As in Pokémon)_  
  
Kennyon: SPAZ!  
  
Spaz: So we can...  
  
Kennyon: _(Screams) _SPAZ!  
  
Spaz: Yes Kennyon?  
  
Kennyon: We get it.  
  
Spaz: Oh, ok.  
  
Kennyon: Now Kid Blink. Tell us about your part in the movie. Mush tells us that he's a space cop trying to save the world from being invaded by you and Skittery.  
  
Kid Blink: Why coitently. See I play the evil villain Bite Me man. Now I want to take over the world because when I was growing up someone stole my poor little dog. So I want to take revenge.  
  
Pyro: And how do you play a part in all this Skittery?  
  
Skittery: Well I'm Bite Me Man's loyal sidekick who in the end becomes good and ends up really saving the world from the double agent Mush.  
  
Kennyon: Fascin...  
  
Mush: Wait a minute! I never said I was a double agent! That's not how the movie works!  
  
Pyro: What makes you say that Mush?  
  
_(Pyro, Spaz and Kennyon all stare at Mush as he folds his arms in anger.)_  
  
Mush: Well I'm the hero of the story!  
  
Kid Blink: No you're the secret double agent that works for me!  
  
Skittery: And I'm the hero that saves the day in the end for real!  
  
Mush: But....gah....Pyro they stole my part!  
  
Pyro: Kennyon they stole Mush's part!  
  
Kennyon: Spaz they stole Mush's part!  
  
Spaz: Mush they stole your part!  
  
Skittery: You know I like to think of the fact that I'm the real hero counteracts the fact that growing up I was the middle child and had to be the hero for the older kids while still playing the bad guy for the reputation my older sibl....  
  
Mush: I can't believe this! (_Stands_) I come out here and do a favor for you three and you let Skittery still my limelight!  
  
Kid Blink: May I remind you that you made us come out here Mushie.  
  
Spaz: Wow....breakthrough.  
  
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen...  
  
Pyro: Kennyon...don't you mean gentleMAN?  
  
Kennyon: No. GentleMEN, another guy walked in. See_....(Points to the second guy now in the audience) _Gadzooks Pyro stay with the program here.  
  
_(Pyro sighs and stares at the small fight that's starting)_  
  
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that we are finally making a breakthrough in the pent up feelings Mush has had concerning his acting ability. Obviously he's not confident enough in himself to keep a part.  
  
Skittery: ...lings gave me. Not to mention the fact that my parents were always to pay attention to me. What with my mom and her job and my father....(_sniffles_)....almost always aw....  
  
Mush: Listen Blink, I don't even know if this movie is real but you are no super villain.  
  
Blink: How do you know! Mwah ha ha ha....Maybe I rob banks and torture small kittens on the side.  
  
Pyro: And Kid Blink certainly is showing his less than angelic side.  
  
Spaz: I'm getting hungry.  
  
Skittery: ay on business trips. _(starts crying) _I tried to build a small relationship with my parents but they just wouldn't lis...  
  
Kennyon: Poor Mush, maybe he needs some compliments to boost his self esteem. Mush you look good in mauve!  
  
Blink: _(giggles) _Mauve is just like pink Mushina.  
  
Mush: Mushina? What kind of name is that? Besides you sleep with a Dumbo! (Dumbo belongs to Disney. Disney is a registered trademark of Walt Disney incorporated. The author in no way is claiming that just because Kid Blink sleeps with a Dumbo, that he owns it. Thank you.)  
  
Pyro: And Kid Blink can be obviously a little harsh.  
  
Spaz: Maybe I'll see what's in the fridge. (_Stands and walks towards the fridge pulling out a brown bag) _Ooooo unexplained goo....mmmmm....  
  
Skittery: ...ten to me. (_Begins sobbing uncontrollably_) Why Daddy why? Why did you take my set of Barbie dolls?  
  
Kid Blink: I told you that in private Mush! _(Takes his shoe off and throws it at Mush)_  
  
Mush: _(Dodges the shoe) _What kind of moron throws a shoe? (_spits on Kid Blink)_  
  
Kennyon: I take this unexplained fighting as a result of Mush's insecure level of insecurity. Maybe another compliment would help. Mush you're my favorite spelunking partner!  
  
Pyro: Spelunking, that's a funny word.  
  
Spaz: _(Walks back over with the goo) _Skittery you should get in there and stop them.  
  
Skittery: Yes I should. After all....(_Wipes the tears from his eyes and blows his nose on his shirt sleeve.)_...I am the hero!  
  
_(Kennyon and Pyro analyze the fight as Kid Blink jumps on Mush's back and pulls his hair as Mush screams while running around in a circle. Spaz eats the unexplained goo while watching the whole scene. Skittery puffs up his chest like a gorilla and heads for the fight)_  
  
Skittery: In the name of delicious twinkies I order you to stop fighting!  
  
Kid Blink: What?  
  
Mush: Twinkies?  
  
Kennyon: Hey Pyro you know what I hear?  
  
Pyro: What do you hear Kennyon?  
  
Kennyon: I hear that twinkies last a billion years!  
  
Spaz: Yup no expiration date!  
  
Kennyon: They found twinkies six miles underground.  
  
Spaz: They had to carbon date!  
  
Pyro: Nu uh!  
  
Kennyon and Spaz: YAH HUH!  
  
Pyro: Cosmic...  
  
_(Mush and Kid Blink stare at the three girls for a second before shaking out of it and looking at Skittery again. They shake their heads and push Skittery down who bumps into Spaz who drops the brown bag. Skittery falls and as if in slow motion falls onto the brown bag)_  
  
Spaz: Ooops.  
  
Kennyon: Oh dear.  
  
Pyro: I'm not cleaning that up.  
  
_(Skittery stands up and pulls the brown bag off the back of his trousers before looking at it and sobbing again)_  
  
Skittery: I just sat on my lunch!  
  
Mush: I didn't do it!  
  
Kid Blink: Yes you did!  
  
Mush: Did not!  
  
Kid Blink: Did too!  
  
Mush: Why I oughta....  
  
_(Mush chases Kid Blink backstage as Kid Blink screams. Meanwhile Skittery stands in spot crying and Pyro looks at Kennyon)_  
  
Pyro: What do we do now?  
  
Kennyon: Um...I'm not sure...  
  
_(Kennyon and Pyro think as Dutchy wanders onto the stage.)_  
  
Dutchy: Kennyon I think I may be able to entertain while you fix the er...um...problem...with Skittery.  
  
Skittery: WHY? OH WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE MY LUNCH IN SUCH A BEWITCHING WAY?  
  
Kennyon: (_walking Skittery off stage) _Alright, do what you have to do.  
  
_(Spaz, Pyro, and Kennyon lead Skittery off stage)_  
  
Dutchy: Alright boys! The stage is ours!  
  
_(Dutchy takes center stage and motions for Specs, Race, Spot, and Jack to come out with him. They stand in a horizontal line with their backs to the audience as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on Dutchy at the center of the group)_  
  
Dutchy: You are my twinkie  
You sit on my pinkie  
Believe when I say  
I want you that way  
  
Race: But you're not a twin pack  
And I want more to snack  
What can I say?  
That I want it that way  
  
ALL: Tell me why  
Ain't nothin' but a snack cake  
Tell me why  
Only one is a mistake  
Tell me why  
Twin packs What can I say?  
I want it that way  
  
Spot: Am I your eater  
Your one defeater  
Yes I know it's too late  
For you I have already ate  
  
Jack: Now I can see that you've fallen apart  
From the way that you used to be, yeah  
No matter the sugar  
I want you to know that  
Deep down inside of me  
  
Dutchy: You're still my twinkie  
No less than kinky  
You are, you are, you are, you are  
  
ALL: Can't stand to hear them say...  
Can't stand to hear them say  
Ain't no more twinkies!  
Man newsies are finkies!  
(Can't stand to hear them say),  
  
Race: Twin Packs What can I say?  
I want it that way  
Tell me why,  
  
Specs: Ain't no more twinkies!  
Tell me why,  
Newsies they are stinkies!  
Tell me why,  
  
Spot: Twin packs what can I say?  
(What can I say?),  
I want it that way  
Tell me why...  
  
Dutchy: Ain't no more twinkies  
Newsies I'm giving you the pinkie  
Tell me why,  
Specs don't you ever say  
  
Specs: HEY!  
  
Spot: (Never wanna hear you say it),  
I ate all the twinkies  
  
Dutchy: I ATE ALL THE TWINKIES!  
  
_(Spaz, Kennyon and Pyro come running out)_  
  
Pyro: Did you hear that girls?  
  
Spaz: He ate all the twinkies!  
  
Kennyon: GET HIM_!  
  
(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro run after Dutchy as he screams while the other four members of the newsie boy band rock out)_  
  
Hey all it's me. Kennyon. Sorry for so long with the chapter. And I'm sorry if you don't like it. It was originally going to be two chapters that I had to smoosh together because they were both short. But Spaz gave me a great idea for the next chapter and I can't wait to write it, so. Yeah. Anyway. Well to my loyal readers, I have a question. The song parodies, Yay or Nay? I know this chapters wasn't quite as clever as the last one, but what can one do? So just let me know if I should continue or not. Thanks guys! And sorry about the twinkie referances. It was late, and I had this urge for hostess and creamy fillings. 


End file.
